"You didn't lose anything, Beth. You just discovered it was never yours in the first place."
~My Dad
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
A random act of...littering?
A very strange thing happened to me in San Francisco. Sara and I were headed down the escalator into the underground to catch the metro. A youngish, lanky, red-headed fellow was on his way up and passing us as we went down. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he whips a cardboard box at me. It was some sort of empty food container, and it hit me squarely in the chest.
My immediate reaction was to whip around and stare at him, but already he was above me and I was lookng at the back of his head. "WELL THAT WAS UNUSUAL!!" was all I thought to yell. What I felt like doing was running back up the escalator and sucker punching him in the back of his head. But I am not stupid, and resisted the urge to start a physical fight with a strange man on the street of a strange city.
Sara missed the incident, as she was in front of me on the down escalator. When I told her what happened, she mused..."He was probably on drugs."
Clearly he was taking the wrong drugs. Or perhaps he wasn't taking the right ones.
Dear box-man, I am only wondering...why me? Was it coincidence? Or did something about my appearance make you so angry you had to whip something at me?
My immediate reaction was to whip around and stare at him, but already he was above me and I was lookng at the back of his head. "WELL THAT WAS UNUSUAL!!" was all I thought to yell. What I felt like doing was running back up the escalator and sucker punching him in the back of his head. But I am not stupid, and resisted the urge to start a physical fight with a strange man on the street of a strange city.
Sara missed the incident, as she was in front of me on the down escalator. When I told her what happened, she mused..."He was probably on drugs."
Clearly he was taking the wrong drugs. Or perhaps he wasn't taking the right ones.
Dear box-man, I am only wondering...why me? Was it coincidence? Or did something about my appearance make you so angry you had to whip something at me?
Another partial read
Narcissism, Denial of the True Self, by Alexander Lowen, M.D.
Intro:
"Narcissism describes both a psychological and a cultural condition. On the individual level, it denotes a personality disturbance characterized by an exaggerated investment in one's image at the expense of the self. Narcissists are more concerned with how they appear than what they feel. Indeed, they deny feelings that contradict the image they seek. Acting without feeling, they tend to be seductive and manipulative, striving for power and control. They are egotists, focused on their own interests but lacking the true values of the self - namely, self expression, self-possession, dignity, and integrity. Narcissists lack a sense of self derived from body feelings. Without a solid sense of self, they experience life as empty and meaningless. It is a desolate state."
Amy Bishop seems to be a PERFECT example of a narcissist gone mad. Tiger Woods is likely another.
Intro:
"Narcissism describes both a psychological and a cultural condition. On the individual level, it denotes a personality disturbance characterized by an exaggerated investment in one's image at the expense of the self. Narcissists are more concerned with how they appear than what they feel. Indeed, they deny feelings that contradict the image they seek. Acting without feeling, they tend to be seductive and manipulative, striving for power and control. They are egotists, focused on their own interests but lacking the true values of the self - namely, self expression, self-possession, dignity, and integrity. Narcissists lack a sense of self derived from body feelings. Without a solid sense of self, they experience life as empty and meaningless. It is a desolate state."
Amy Bishop seems to be a PERFECT example of a narcissist gone mad. Tiger Woods is likely another.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Father knows best
My Dad was right, that was not Two Lights park I was at...it was Portland Head Light. I never give him enough credit for his memory!
Bollé!
Dear Bollé,
I had a wonderful time visiting you and your parents this weekend. Damn, yer cute. The last time I saw you was a year ago and you were such a different person then. Not really a person yet...just a wee baby. Now you're a little girl! Not to mention one of the sweetest little girls I've ever met. C'mon, blowing me kisses was just TOO MUCH. And when you put your hat and that giant glove on all by yourself? A back handspring wouldn't have impressed me more than that.
But Bollé, if you want to make your dear Aunti Dew happy for the rest of her life you will let your mom videotape you twirling around and around while your eyes are wide open, staring in the opposite direction. That was the funniest thing I may have ever seen.
I had a wonderful time visiting you and your parents this weekend. Damn, yer cute. The last time I saw you was a year ago and you were such a different person then. Not really a person yet...just a wee baby. Now you're a little girl! Not to mention one of the sweetest little girls I've ever met. C'mon, blowing me kisses was just TOO MUCH. And when you put your hat and that giant glove on all by yourself? A back handspring wouldn't have impressed me more than that.
But Bollé, if you want to make your dear Aunti Dew happy for the rest of her life you will let your mom videotape you twirling around and around while your eyes are wide open, staring in the opposite direction. That was the funniest thing I may have ever seen.
You and Uncle Michael, chillin'
Giving Dada a kiss goodnight
Nobody stands a chance against that smile
Mama & Dada took us to a great park today too. I stopped by my own parents' house on the way home and enjoyed a lively debate between them as to whether or not I was at "Two Lights" park. There were indeed two lighthouses, and the park my Dad remembers was in Cape Elizabeth, but that wasn't quite enough to convince him I was in the same place...likely because I didn't take an exact picture of what's in his head.
You insisted on walking at the park, even when the wind really started blowing and we thought you might be carried out to sea with it. The cold didn't bother you a bit...you were just walking and enjoying the sheer forward motion.
I can't wait to see what you can do the next time I see you.
Love,
Aunti Dew
Thursday, February 18, 2010
What I'm (not) reading - a partial review, brought to you by adult onset ADD
There is a large stack of books on my nightstand. Some might look at it and think, wow, she's a big reader! They would be mistaken. I'm a big starter of books, but I rarely finish them these days. Here's a quick run down of half of that pile...
The Black Book, by Orhan Pamuk
Set in Turkey, this book flashes between present day and past memories as remembered by Galip, our strange protagonist, whose wife leaves him for reasons unknown. Reasons unknown to me, that is. This book was gifted to me about 10 years ago and I finally got through the first 57 pages. The last time I read it was on the beach...it's now February. Probably safe to say I lost interest.
Wicked, by Gregory Maguire
We all know this one, it was a smash hit on Broadway. I read ALL of Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister (gifted to me by the same friend who gave me The Black Book, thanks Amy!) first, and I really enjoyed that one. Stands to reason I'd like Wicked, no? No. I mostly hated this book, but kept on reading until I got about 2/3 through it. The more I read, the more I hated it. This in and of itself was compelling, but I guess I just didn't hate it enough to finish it.
The Blind Assassin, by Margaret Atwood
Where the fuck did this one come from? I have no recollection of purchasing this one. I haven't even cracked it. It's the winner of the Booker Prize. What the hell kind of a prize for a book is called the Booker Prize? That's like giving a carpenter the Woody Prize. Seriously, it's a prize for writing well (I presume), but the people who came up with the name of the prize couldn't be more creative than Booker? Have yourself, Booker people, I'm too good for your crackerjack award winners.
Brain in Your Pocket, by Christopher M. Strange
I know I read at least one nugget from this one and appreciated how it's not a long story, but rather a bunch of facts consolidated into a small, concise format. Thus it ended up on the nightstand so that I might better appreciate the small, concise layer of dust it accumulated.
Dog On It, by Spencer Quinn
Got this one for Christmas 2009, and it looks intriguing. A PI and his dog solve a mystery. I like doggies, they have fur and waggy tails. * Stares at own dog for five minutes instead of reading full synopsis *
Behind the Attic Wall, by Sylvia Cassedy
Ah, finally, one I've read! When I was...ahem...maybe 11? I read a lot as a kid...I were smarter then.
The Angel of Darkness, by Caleb Carr
I distinctly remember starting this one at my boyfriend's house. That was four boyfriends ago. I think at my last attempt I made it through Chapter 2 (of 59).
The Queen of the South, by Arturo Perez-Reverte
This one seems genuinely awesome. It's about a female drug lord. The first few chapters are riveting...she's giving an interview and recalling when her dealer boyfriend was shot and she had to flee her home because the murderers were coming for her too. I'm totally going to get back to this one...OH LOOK, AN LOL CAT!
The Black Book, by Orhan Pamuk
Set in Turkey, this book flashes between present day and past memories as remembered by Galip, our strange protagonist, whose wife leaves him for reasons unknown. Reasons unknown to me, that is. This book was gifted to me about 10 years ago and I finally got through the first 57 pages. The last time I read it was on the beach...it's now February. Probably safe to say I lost interest.
Wicked, by Gregory Maguire
We all know this one, it was a smash hit on Broadway. I read ALL of Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister (gifted to me by the same friend who gave me The Black Book, thanks Amy!) first, and I really enjoyed that one. Stands to reason I'd like Wicked, no? No. I mostly hated this book, but kept on reading until I got about 2/3 through it. The more I read, the more I hated it. This in and of itself was compelling, but I guess I just didn't hate it enough to finish it.
The Blind Assassin, by Margaret Atwood
Where the fuck did this one come from? I have no recollection of purchasing this one. I haven't even cracked it. It's the winner of the Booker Prize. What the hell kind of a prize for a book is called the Booker Prize? That's like giving a carpenter the Woody Prize. Seriously, it's a prize for writing well (I presume), but the people who came up with the name of the prize couldn't be more creative than Booker? Have yourself, Booker people, I'm too good for your crackerjack award winners.
Brain in Your Pocket, by Christopher M. Strange
I know I read at least one nugget from this one and appreciated how it's not a long story, but rather a bunch of facts consolidated into a small, concise format. Thus it ended up on the nightstand so that I might better appreciate the small, concise layer of dust it accumulated.
Dog On It, by Spencer Quinn
Got this one for Christmas 2009, and it looks intriguing. A PI and his dog solve a mystery. I like doggies, they have fur and waggy tails. * Stares at own dog for five minutes instead of reading full synopsis *
Behind the Attic Wall, by Sylvia Cassedy
Ah, finally, one I've read! When I was...ahem...maybe 11? I read a lot as a kid...I were smarter then.
The Angel of Darkness, by Caleb Carr
I distinctly remember starting this one at my boyfriend's house. That was four boyfriends ago. I think at my last attempt I made it through Chapter 2 (of 59).
The Queen of the South, by Arturo Perez-Reverte
This one seems genuinely awesome. It's about a female drug lord. The first few chapters are riveting...she's giving an interview and recalling when her dealer boyfriend was shot and she had to flee her home because the murderers were coming for her too. I'm totally going to get back to this one...OH LOOK, AN LOL CAT!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Coming Home
Today was my first day in my new, old office. It's so strangely great to be back...the office is a mere 15 minutes from my house and I don't have to get on the highway at all. I didn't have to travel far to my last office, just 30 minutes. But let me repeat the most important part...I don't have to get on the highway AT ALL. So that lil' 15 minutes was time I spent rolling along at an average of 20 MPH, despising every other car that was between me and my destination, everybody driving every one of those cars, and the state of Massachusetts in general. Also, your mom. I don't exactly know how she was involved in making my commute suck, but give me enough time and I could come up with something.
So let's see...15 minutes each way times two is 30 minutes per day, 2.5 hours per week, and roughly 240 hours per year that I don't spend hating the world and everybody in it. Think of all of the sunshine I can spread with that extra 240 hours per year! That's 10 FULL DAYS of extra time. It's as good as getting an extra 2 weeks of vacation annually.
Never underestimate the power of a good commute!
Another bonus of getting a new job? It will be a hard job, no doubt, but right now there is so much to learn it will be weeks before I can really useful in any way. I am getting paid to learn new technology at a very reasonable pace. I am walking on air right now.
I had NO IDEA how stressed my old job made me. No idea at all...probably because I liked what I did, and I did what I liked. I'm a development programmer, and for years it was really fun....if I didn't like how the old system did something, well I'd just build it better! That's what we all did, and despite whatever anybody thinks or says about the product, we all know we put our best effort in. I'm proud of it, even if it's still sort of a reckless teenager of software. It knows what it's supposed to do and how it's supposed to behave, but it still screws up and misbehaves. It needs more guidance to grow up into a mature, responsible adult. When it does get into trouble (at least the part I built) I don't blame it...I blame me. Ever since it went out to our beta site I have been holding my breath, waiting for them to find the first problem.
Then overnight, with a mighty whooosh, I'm out. All of that stress, all of the burden of responsibility...it's just gone. That weight is lifted, and suddenly I can look forward to new challenges again.
The weight will return and I know that, but for now, all I can say is...WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
So let's see...15 minutes each way times two is 30 minutes per day, 2.5 hours per week, and roughly 240 hours per year that I don't spend hating the world and everybody in it. Think of all of the sunshine I can spread with that extra 240 hours per year! That's 10 FULL DAYS of extra time. It's as good as getting an extra 2 weeks of vacation annually.
Never underestimate the power of a good commute!
Another bonus of getting a new job? It will be a hard job, no doubt, but right now there is so much to learn it will be weeks before I can really useful in any way. I am getting paid to learn new technology at a very reasonable pace. I am walking on air right now.
I had NO IDEA how stressed my old job made me. No idea at all...probably because I liked what I did, and I did what I liked. I'm a development programmer, and for years it was really fun....if I didn't like how the old system did something, well I'd just build it better! That's what we all did, and despite whatever anybody thinks or says about the product, we all know we put our best effort in. I'm proud of it, even if it's still sort of a reckless teenager of software. It knows what it's supposed to do and how it's supposed to behave, but it still screws up and misbehaves. It needs more guidance to grow up into a mature, responsible adult. When it does get into trouble (at least the part I built) I don't blame it...I blame me. Ever since it went out to our beta site I have been holding my breath, waiting for them to find the first problem.
Then overnight, with a mighty whooosh, I'm out. All of that stress, all of the burden of responsibility...it's just gone. That weight is lifted, and suddenly I can look forward to new challenges again.
The weight will return and I know that, but for now, all I can say is...WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
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