An accurate summation

"You didn't lose anything, Beth.  You just discovered it was never yours in the first place."

~My Dad

A random act of...littering?

A very strange thing happened to me in San Francisco.  Sara and I were headed down the escalator into the underground to catch the metro.  A youngish, lanky, red-headed fellow was on his way up and passing us as we went down.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, he whips a cardboard box at me.  It was some sort of empty food container, and it hit me squarely in the chest.

My immediate reaction was to whip around and stare at him, but already he was above me and I was lookng at the back of his head.  "WELL THAT WAS UNUSUAL!!" was all I thought to yell.  What I felt like doing was running back up the escalator and sucker punching him in the back of his head.  But I am not stupid, and resisted the urge to start a physical fight with a strange man on the street of a strange city.

Sara missed the incident, as she was in front of me on the down escalator.  When I told her what happened, she mused..."He was probably on drugs."

Clearly he was taking the wrong drugs.  Or perhaps he wasn't taking the right ones.

Dear box-man, I am only wondering...why me?  Was it coincidence?  Or did something about my appearance make you so angry you had to whip something at me?

Another partial read

Narcissism, Denial of the True Self, by Alexander Lowen, M.D.

Intro:

"Narcissism describes both a psychological and a cultural condition.  On the individual level, it denotes a personality disturbance characterized by an exaggerated investment in one's image at the expense of the self.  Narcissists are more concerned with how they appear than what they feel.  Indeed, they deny feelings that contradict the image they seek.  Acting without feeling, they tend to be seductive and manipulative, striving for power and control.  They are egotists, focused on their own interests but lacking the true values of the self - namely, self expression, self-possession, dignity, and integrity.  Narcissists lack a sense of self derived from body feelings.  Without a solid sense of self, they experience life as empty and meaningless.  It is a desolate state."

Amy Bishop seems to be a PERFECT example of a narcissist gone mad.  Tiger Woods is likely another.

Father knows best

My Dad was right, that was not Two Lights park I was at...it was Portland Head Light.  I never give him enough credit for his memory!

Bollé!

Dear Bollé,

I had a wonderful time visiting you and your parents this weekend.  Damn, yer cute.  The last time I saw you was a year ago and you were such a different person then.  Not really a person yet...just a wee baby.  Now you're a little girl!  Not to mention one of the sweetest little girls I've ever met.  C'mon, blowing me kisses was just TOO MUCH.  And when you put your hat and that giant glove on all by yourself?  A back handspring wouldn't have impressed me more than that.

But Bollé, if you want to make your dear Aunti Dew happy for the rest of her life you will let your mom videotape you twirling around and around while your eyes are wide open, staring in the opposite direction. That was the funniest thing I may have ever seen.

 

 You and Uncle Michael, chillin'

 Giving Dada a kiss goodnight

Nobody stands a chance against that smile

Mama & Dada took us to a great park today too.  I stopped by my own parents' house on the way home and enjoyed a lively debate between them as to whether or not I was at "Two Lights" park.  There were indeed two lighthouses, and the park my Dad remembers was in Cape Elizabeth, but that wasn't quite enough to convince him I was in the same place...likely because I didn't take an exact picture of what's in his head.

 

  

  

  

You insisted on walking at the park, even when the wind really started blowing and we thought you might be carried out to sea with it.  The cold didn't bother you a bit...you were just walking and enjoying the sheer forward motion.  

I can't wait to see what you can do the next time I see you. 

Love,

Aunti Dew

What I'm (not) reading - a partial review, brought to you by adult onset ADD

There is a large stack of books on my nightstand.  Some might look at it and think, wow, she's a big reader!  They would be mistaken.  I'm a big starter of books, but I rarely finish them these days.  Here's a quick run down of half of that pile...

The Black Book, by Orhan Pamuk

Set in Turkey, this book flashes between present day and past memories as remembered by Galip, our strange protagonist, whose wife leaves him for reasons unknown.  Reasons unknown to me, that is.  This book was gifted to me about 10 years ago and I finally got through the first 57 pages.  The last time I read it was on the beach...it's now February.  Probably safe to say I lost interest.

Wicked, by Gregory Maguire

We all know this one, it was a smash hit on Broadway.  I read ALL of Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister (gifted to me by the same friend who gave me The Black Book, thanks Amy!) first, and I really enjoyed that one.  Stands to reason I'd like Wicked, no?  No.  I mostly hated this book, but kept on reading until I got about 2/3 through it.  The more I read, the more I hated it.  This in and of itself was compelling, but I guess I just didn't hate it enough to finish it.

The Blind Assassin, by Margaret Atwood

Where the fuck did this one come from?  I have no recollection of purchasing this one.  I haven't even cracked it.  It's the winner of the Booker Prize.  What the hell kind of a prize for a book is called the Booker Prize?  That's like giving a carpenter the Woody Prize.  Seriously, it's a prize for writing well (I presume), but the people who came up with the name of the prize couldn't be more creative than Booker?  Have yourself, Booker people, I'm too good for your crackerjack award winners.

Brain in Your Pocket, by Christopher M. Strange

I know I read at least one nugget from this one and appreciated how it's not a long story, but rather a bunch of facts consolidated into a small, concise format.  Thus it ended up on the nightstand so that I might better appreciate the small, concise layer of dust it accumulated.

Dog On It, by Spencer Quinn

Got this one for Christmas 2009, and it looks intriguing.  A PI and his dog solve a mystery.  I like doggies, they have fur and waggy tails.  * Stares at own dog for five minutes instead of reading full synopsis *

Behind the Attic Wall, by Sylvia Cassedy

Ah, finally, one I've read!  When I was...ahem...maybe 11?  I read a lot as a kid...I were smarter then.

The Angel of Darkness, by Caleb Carr

I distinctly remember starting this one at my boyfriend's house.  That was four boyfriends ago.  I think at my last attempt I made it through Chapter 2 (of 59).

The Queen of the South, by Arturo Perez-Reverte

This one seems genuinely awesome.  It's about a female drug lord.  The first few chapters are riveting...she's giving an interview and recalling when her dealer boyfriend was shot and she had to flee her home because the murderers were coming for her too.  I'm totally going to get back to this one...OH LOOK, AN LOL CAT!

Coming Home

Today was my first day in my new, old office.  It's so strangely great to be back...the office is a mere 15 minutes from my house and I don't have to get on the highway at all.  I didn't have to travel far to my last office, just 30 minutes.  But let me repeat the most important part...I don't have to get on the highway AT ALL.  So that lil' 15 minutes was time I spent rolling along at an average of 20 MPH, despising every other car that was between me and my destination, everybody driving every one of those cars, and the state of Massachusetts in general.  Also, your mom.  I don't exactly know how she was involved in making my commute suck, but give me enough time and I could come up with something.

So let's see...15 minutes each way times two is 30 minutes per day, 2.5 hours per week, and roughly 240 hours per year that I don't spend hating the world and everybody in it. Think of all of the sunshine I can spread with that extra 240 hours per year!  That's 10 FULL DAYS of extra time.  It's as good as getting an extra 2 weeks of vacation annually. 

Never underestimate the power of a good commute!

Another bonus of getting a new job?  It will be a hard job, no doubt, but right now there is so much to learn it will be weeks before I can really useful in any way.  I am getting paid to learn new technology at a very reasonable pace.  I am walking on air right now.

I had NO IDEA how stressed my old job made me.  No idea at all...probably because I liked what I did, and I did what I liked.  I'm a development programmer, and for years it was really fun....if I didn't like how the old system did something, well I'd just build it better!  That's what we all did, and despite whatever anybody thinks or says about the product, we all know we put our best effort in.  I'm proud of it, even if it's still sort of a reckless teenager of software.  It knows what it's supposed to do and how it's supposed to behave, but it still screws up and misbehaves.  It needs more guidance to grow up into a mature, responsible adult.  When it does get into trouble (at least the part I built) I don't blame it...I blame me.  Ever since it went out to our beta site I have been holding my breath, waiting for them to find the first problem.

Then overnight, with a mighty whooosh, I'm out.  All of that stress, all of the burden of responsibility...it's just gone.  That weight is lifted, and suddenly I can look forward to new challenges again.

The weight will return and I know that, but for now, all I can say is...WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

A fabulous audience

Today I showed off my FULL SET of photo's to my SO's family, and they were so kind to me.  My nearly-sister-in-law and her SO have this big, beauuuutiful TV with LED backlighting and LCD and I think little gnomes that run around and touch up all the colors with their magic wands during each refresh.  So they let me show off the pics on that, and they were such troopers, they oohed and aahed for the whole thing.  Even my SO, who was flat out not going to look at 1,000 ish photos when I first returned stuck around for the whole thing and seemed genuinely interested.

Also, there was some Wiiing around here.  While I was upstairs working I heard things got so intense downstairs during a hot game of bowling that someone (whose identity will be protected pending the litigation) may have shot her control out of her hands on what should have been a strike.  Well, it was a strike, right into the side of the TV.  Miraculously, it mainly hit the side of the TV and didn't break the screen.

It was a really fun day & evening...and don't worry, remote thrower...what happens in Connecticut stays in Connecticut.  And also on the internet.

Belated Shasta shots

 

  

  

 

 

Bloggin' bogs

DSCN2651
Originally uploaded by dewwshane

This was some of the scenery on the ride from Portland to San Francisco. I don't know if they normally have that much water sitting on the fields but it made me think they might be able to grow rice.

Crazy Boring

We opted to see the lil' independent film Crazy Heart this evening.  It stars Jeff Bridges as Bad Blubarb (okay, so I can't remember his last name), the 57 year old country singer who is a warshed up alcoholic who also smokes like a chimney and has found himself with four ex-wives and a 28 year old son he knows nothing about.

The movie reviewers raved about this film, and I always prefer to give a good independent a chance rather than get spoon fed some formulaic Hollywood blockbuster that appeals to the great unwashed masses.  And so we ventured to the little Dedham community theater, which we've been to before and like for it's small-town charm (and beer and wine).  And thus we found ourselves nearly stupefied by the utter boredom of watching this movie.

The acting was stupendous, I cannot fault the actors.  It was the story, or lack thereof,, combined with the fact that one should be a country music fan to appreciate the film.  I'd guess about 1/3 of it was music.  I am a music lover, EXCEPT FOR COUNTRY MUSIC.  I will listen to rap before I listen to country music, that's how little I think of country.  Why?  Why would I reject a form of music that is the MOST popular in this country?  Because, quite frankly, I could be a country music star.  My mom could be a country music star.  I think my cat may already moonlight as a country music star.

I know that one of my three followers of this little crappy blog is a big country music fan.  Way to discard 1/3 of my fan base (hi Kari!).  There is nothing offensive to me about the sound of country music.  Nor is there anything remarkable about it.  It is also completely formulaic, predictable, and above and beyond all else, repetetive.  Perhaps one in every 500 country songs is in some way unique to my ears.  Not that I've even given 50 country music songs a chance, because I fell asleep during the opening of the second one you asked me to listen to.  What's that you say?  Yer dog has run off with yer wife and the bank is taking the farm?  You appreciate the beauty of this country after you've downed a case of Bud Light?  You're wondering why you shaved your legs for this?  Frankly, my wheat chewing, tobaccy spitting friend, I don't give a flying fuck.  You have no funky base or backbeat to accompany your compelling tale, and my ADD riddled brain moved onto more interesting (and shiny!) things at about your second utterance of ye-haw.

Whoa, that was more of an angry tangent than I planned on.  Getting back to the movie...oh yeah, I forgot, I told you everything already.  NOTHING HAPPENED.  Bridges sang some songs, drank some whisky, threw up a bit, and enter Maggie Gyllenhaal, my favorite pig-faced, smarmy leading lady.  She did a great job, and I mean that sincerely...the girl can act, BUT...that face.  That unfortunate face can only convey smugness in one form or another.  She can be smugly happy, smugly sorrowful, smugly hungry...you name it, she can do it, smugly.  She has an adorable round-faced, cherubic son, named Buddy, that Bad dumps regret over his wasted years of drinking through fatherhood into.  Alas, he cannot ditch the whisky whist babysitting, and little Buddy goes missing for a few hours.  Gyllenhaal, understandably, cannot forgive his bumbling babysitting snafu, even after he sobers up.  THE END.  After 2.5 hours, I mean.

When I read the reviews for this movie I thought to myself, "Hmmm, sounds like The Wrestler."  We all loved The Wrestler, and Bridges can act, so how could it be bad?  Even after we left the movie I mused..."Why was The Wrestler so good and that so bad?"  Answser - Crazy Heart has 0% wrestling.  DUH.  I had to substitute wrestling with country music.  SUBSTITUTE FAIL, subsequent MOVIE FAIL.

PS, Jeff Bridges, I still heart you.  I hope you can forgive me hating your movie.

I am a really big deal.

Râpée Morv Andelle

Sounds exotic, no? It's not especially, it's just shredded potatoes, ham, eggs, onions & cheese. It is damn tasty, though.

I'm such a follower I watched Julie & Julia a few weeks ago and like nearly every other person who saw that movie I fell in love with Meryl Streep's version of Julia Childs. I can't say I liked the Julie character at all, and it turns out I had good reason not to...she just published a book, Cleaving, about the affair she had after the Julie & Julia blogsperiment. There's something in there too about learning to butcher meat. She butchered the sanctity of her marriage, and then went on to profit from it. How gross can you be?

Oh wow, turns out she's on blogspot too. Maybe I'll follow her and make her a frenemy.

Anyways, regardless of how I feel about Julie Powell, I liked her idea a lot. So much that I ordered a copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking, Vol 1.

So far I've made two recipes...this weekend I followed her basic recipe for preparing a pork tenderloin with potatoes and onions, which turned out quite nicely. Tonight, after getting home a
little early because of the snow, I tried the Râpée Morv Andelle. Y-U-M!


In case you're wondering, that's my pi plate. :)

This is basically a big fluffy omelette, a little heavy on the onions, with the hash browns built in. It was easy to put together with the aid of a food processor, and bakes for just 30 minutes. Good for any meal if you ask me...it's essentially all breakfast ingredients.

I'm not going to bother typing out the recipe unless somebody actually cares to try it, so if you do speak up!

I'm still here

It's been a crazy (crazy good!) week back. I came home depleted. I caught about an hour of sleep on the red eye (after hiking ALL DAY with Sara) and had to catch the bus to South Station and then the train home. I was so tired and lugging my nearly 50 lb. suitcase and my 10 lb. briefcase. Then I had a reality check. In the elevator at South Station I held the door for a man in a wheelchair. He may have been mentally impaired...he was speech impaired and had the sunniest disposition I may have ever seen. He asked where I was headed and I said home. He asked where that was, and when I told him, he said, "Well that's not so bad! You can do it!" He could see I was tired, and despite how I was feeling I had nothing but smiles for his earnest inquiries. He wished me a great day when I got off of the elevator. And I realized...as tired and cranky as I was at that moment, it all was nothing compared to his daily challenges. He managed to get around and do his thing with a giant smile on his face. When he asked me how I was, I could see he actually cared about my answer. I want to go back and hug him.

I made it home and collapsed into bed. Then I went to bed again about 6 hours later at bed time. By morning I felt rested enough to start my new job!

New job, same company. I've been "asked" (I must use that term loosely) to move to a different department and head up the effort for my application to seamlessly move existing customers currently operating on our "old" systems to our new system that I just helped build for the past four years. In that four years I was pretty focused on one particular piece (though a large piece), and so there's a lot I don't know. Also, I haven't worked in the old technology for 3 years now. I'm pretty rusty. This is going to be challenging, but luckily for me I had predecessors built all sorts of useful tools that will make things easier. I guess the deal for now is we have four months just to determine how long the whole effort will take.

Overall, I'm excited about it. I feel the need to change things up every three years or so, and my company does everything they can to make that possible. I was ready, just taken by surprise. I found out two days before my vacation about the new job, and when I returned I was there! Still, there seems to be plenty of transition time so far, which I'm glad for as I have loose ends to tie up.

The rest of the week went smoothly at my old desk, doing my old job...

Most importantly, on Saturday, Laurie and I booked our tickets to go to CaleeFORneeahh to see her sister, and my Aunty Jeanne (hi Jeanne! hi Laurie!). It a lovely thing to come home from one amazing vacation and be able to book another one right way. God bless frequent flier miles.

Lastly, I made a few shopping trips and invited the rents over for dinner on Sunday, something I'd like to make a tradition while the weather is foul and we can't go out and play. My new Julia Child's cookbook took me through the steps of roasting a lovely pork tenderloin, and it was easy and yummy. A good time was had by all.

Getting sleepy...time to rest up before meeting the new boss again tomorrow. Goodnight!

Last day

Captions coming later...still so tired from red eye home.